My youngest son brought me a book to read to him last night. Cloudy, with a Chance of Meatballs. It's a delightful story that I read to him a lot … when he was six. But he's twelve now, and as I (of course!) agreed and tucked us into his bed to read, I asked … any reason why?
"Because I'm growing up mom, and you won't be reading to me much longer."
Arrgh! a spear to the heart! He's growing up! And of course, he's my youngest.
I've been plagued recently with insomnia as I wake up and stare into the night, realizing my oldest is going to away to college in just a few months. I remember his infant days as if they were yesterday. WHEN DID HE GROW UP?
We had five days off this past week. One because of MLK holiday, but two because it was -25 below. The kids lounged around the house, made messes, watched television, played games … while I tried to work. Harrumph.
At one point, as I tapped out a story, they were all gathered around me in the family room, wrestling, laughing and generally being teenagers. I think I typed the same words three times. I couldn't wait for school to start.
Except, now the house is too quiet. I miss their laughter and I fear the regret I may feel when the house is permanently quiet. Did I read enough to them? Did I drop everything and play a game? Was there enough laughter, and encouragement, and grace?
There may be more insomnia ahead.
All this tug of war of emotions has brought me to my knees, clutching Psalm 90:12. "Teach us (me!) to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." My Strong's Concordance equates the word "number" with: weigh out, appoint, prepare.
Makes me think about how each day has significance, or weight, merit, and that it is also appointed, or chosen. Signified to have meaning. And that I must prepare for it. Maybe not with grand parties, but perhaps a heart willing to set aside my work and embrace the unexpected weighted moments. Maybe play a game of Catan.
Or build a snowfort.
The verse goes on to say (in KJV) "that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom." Strong's expounds on "apply" with the words abide, attain, employ. It has both a receiving and a utilizing connotation.
I think regrets come with we don't weigh our days, our actions, when we don't see the significance God has put into each day. When we see our time as something trivial, hours to get through. But God has chosen each day to have significance. Teach us Lord to rightly number of our days, to not live for the trivial, but to appoint and prepare and value our time. Because as we do that, wisdom will bloom in us, and we'll know how to apply it forward. We'll learn how to live a life without regrets.
Just some ponderings as winter closes in on us.
I'm excited for my book The Perfect Match to hit the shelves again! It's about a woman fire chief who sets off a few sparks in town!
Thank you for reading, and for your encouraging letters. I weigh those in my heart as well – knowing their significance. God Bless and keep warm!
With a grateful heart,
Susan May Warren
